Made it 9 Days

Well I made it 9 days without drinking and then drank.  It wasn’t even fun.  I’m not sure why I did it.  I wasn’t craving it.  I thought it would be a nice treat on a Saturday night.  Drink wine, watch Netflix, eat chocolate and just be comfy.  But it didn’t really work out that way.  I had one glass and felt kind of queasy.  Maybe that should have been my sign to stop drinking but I didn’t.  I ended up drinking about 3 glasses of wine.  I felt fuzzy and not in complete control and I didn’t like it.  In the last few weeks I have come to enjoy the feeling of being in control.  I don’t regret it or feel guilty.  I was in my own home and safe and not drunk in public making a fool of myself.  I didn’t wake up with a hangover or a huge bar receipt.

But I did learn something, the idea of wine to relax is just an idea.  I think I would have been more relaxed last night had I not drank.

So today is Day 1 again…however there is no hangover, shame, regret, guilt or embarrassment.  I am going to view last night as a learning experience.

Date #4 Is Tonight and Other Updates

Ok…remember a few weeks back when I mentioned the cute guy Nick that I met when I was out?  That was the night I got really drunk and was super embarrassed the next day.  Well I must have given him my number and he actually texted me a few days later.  I apologized for being so drunk and he said not to worry about it.  He was upset with how he acted that night too…Not exactly sure what that means though.

We texted back and forth for a week or so.  Nothing too deep because honestly I couldn’t remember much from our original convo when I was wasted…Insert eyeroll here.  I was wondering if we were just going to be texting buddies forever but then he asked me out!  We are meeting tonight for drinks, kind of odd since way too many drinks were involved last time.  I am giving myself a 3 drink maximum and then I am coming home!  We are going to a neighborhood bar that I am very comfortable in so I am relieved about that.  Originally he wanted to do dinner too but I changed it to just drinks.  Dinner seems formal, I just want casual fun conversation with a cute boy.  If it is fun we can try dinner next time.

Ok, in other news  I have gotten my drinking under control!  I feel so much better about it.  I had so much anxiety around alcohol and feel that it is gone.  I went out on Friday and Sunday last week and was in control the entire time.  I was at a Birthday dinner on Friday that lasted about 3 hours and in that time I had 3 drinks.  I never felt like I was deprived or needing more alcohol.  On Sunday I met a friend and only had 2 drinks.  I was the first to leave on both nights, I didn’t feel like I had to stay forever and keep drinking.  I woke up refreshed and not hungover and most importantly not angry with myself.  The guilt and shame feelings are the absolute worst!!

Lastly, I have started counting macros again.  I am about 8 to 10lbs heavier than my normal weight.  I played with macro counting a few months ago but quit even though I was seeing results.  I quit because I was consumed by the numbers and figuring out what I could and couldn’t make fit for the day.  I am going to take a more relaxed approach this time.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  I think if I hit the numbers 85% of the time I will see results.  When I don’t track I definitely don’t eat enough protein and I know that negatively affects my body composition.

Have a happy and safe 4th!!!