Favorite Quotes

I need some inspiration today and thought it would be great for me to re-read and share a few of my favorite quotes.  I find that I can be in the worst mood ever, but seeing these quotes can quickly boost my mood and vibration.  Hope it helps you if you need it today too!

“Remember that the reason you are doing this is to make your life better.”

“What you think, you become.  What you feel, you attract.  What you imagine, you create.”  Buddha

“You are somebody’s perfect.”

“Accept – then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  Always work with it, not against it….This will miraculously transform your whole life.” – Eckhart Tolle

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”  – Dalai Lama

“Unsuccessful people make decisions based on their current situations.  Successful people make decisions based on where they want to be.”

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” – Eckhart Tolle

“Six months from now you can be in a completely different place mentally, spiritually, and financiallu.  Keep working and believing in yourself.”

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

“You are responsible for your own happiness.”

“What others think of me is their choice, what I think of myself is my choice.”

“I say “Out” to every negative thought that comes to my mind.  No person, place or things has any power over me, for I am the only thinker in my mind.  I create my own reality and everyone in it.” – Louis Hay

“Don’t look back – you’re not going that way.”

“A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.”

“I do not fix my problems.  I fix my thinking.  The problems fix themselves.”

 

“When you focus on the good, the good will find you.”

“One day these 5ams will make you a legend.”

 

Buffering

I just finished listening to a podcast from Brooke Castillo on Buffering.  It’s #132 and titled Stop Buffering.  All of Brooke’s podcasts give me something new to think about but this one really hit home.  She explains buffering as using things, substances or activities to numb our feelings.  Some people over drink, some over eat, some shop, some watch Netflix to zone out and not feel things.  Basically we do something so we don’t feel anything negative.  Buffering never solves the problem at hand and usually it makes it worse.

Why are we so scared to feel things? I am terrified of negative emotions.  Years ago I had a boyfriend and it wasn’t a good situation and I was always scared I would wake up in the middle of the night and think about it so I would take sleeping pills to ensure I wouldn’t have to deal with those negative emotions at 3am.  Looking back on it that seems so stupid – if a relationship is so bad that you need to drug yourself to sleep that is a major issue!  But I was too scared to feel things.

Since my DUI, which you can read about here: Life Updates , I haven’t been drinking very much and i have had to deal with negative emotions.  I’ve realized they won’t kill you!  They will pass.  I have learned so much about myself and what I really want.  I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction and follow Abraham Hicks and know that you need to be able to feel your vibration and align that with what you want.  If you are always drinking or eating to numb your feelings you are also dulling your vibration – this will never help you attract what you want using the Law of Attraction.  You are going to make it so much harder instead of easier.  I believe this is why I attracted my new Love while sober.  I was finally a vibrational match for him.

I am fearful that I will go back to buffering in the future.  I get anxious when I am bored and tend to over drink or over eat then.  I have always pushed myself in school, starting my business, working out, etc that there wasn’t a lot of down time.  So now when I have free time I panic.  I am slowly finding out what I like to do when I have free time that isn’t just over drinking to check out.  Sounds weird to say that I don’t know what I like to do for fun at 34 but its true.

Do you buffer?  What feelings are you trying to escape from?

Love

I’m in love and want to tell the world!!  I have found the most caring and thoughtful human.  He is kind and sweet and a really, really good person!  Its funny because I knew him for about 3 years before we started dating and would see him every week.  However he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend when we first met.  But I did go to lunch with him after we first met and I remember leaving lunch thinking “Wow if I were single I would totally want him”

It all happened very quickly but doesn’t feel that way!  We moved in together after only 2 months of dating but it just felt right.  We have been together about 5 months now and it feels like its been years – in a good way!

He is teaching me so many things!  For one he is showing me how to slow down and enjoy life.  Not everything is a rush or a task to be completed.  I am always trying to be in the moment and more present and he is definitely helping with that! I’m also learning to be more compassionate and open minded, everything isn’t black or white.  He loves and accepts me the way I am – he isn’t trying to change me and he is teaching me to accept myself and love myself.  I am prone to beating myself up and its something I struggle with.

His family has welcomed me with open arms.  His parents live close by so we spend a lot of time with them.  Its nice to be included!  My family life has changed a lot in the last ten years or so after my parents got divorced.  I still see and spend a lot of time with my Dad but its not the same so this feels really good.

I know we will have an exciting and happy future.  I have no doubt that he is the man for me.

 

Life Updates

A lot has changed since I last posted.

This isn’t new – but its new for the blog.  In September 2018 I got a DUI.  I was embarrassed to even type it here even though I am the only one that reads this.  Now that more time has passed I am okay admitting it.  The whole event was terrifying and I take full responsibility for making a very very bad judgement call.  I am so grateful that I didn’t hurt anyone.  I would have never ever been able to forgive myself.

Part of my punishment is probation which means no alcohol.  This has been tough and eye opening.  I have figured out a few ways around it and have drank a few times but not a lot.  I have found some social situations to be extremely hard to be in and others are okay.  I think it depends on my mindset going into the situation.  I also like knowing I can always leave whenever I want too.  If I feel stuck or trapped and everyone is drinking I have a much harder time.

I started dating someone new in January and its great.  He drinks often, pretty much daily and when we are at home that doesn’t really get to me.  However, we spend a lot of time with his parents and they are so nice and kind and welcoming and they drink too.  They know about the DUI and they don’t seem to judge me for it.  But sometimes when the four of us are together and everyone is drinking but me it gets tough.  We will have dinner and I am fine and then the night lingers on for several more hours and that is when I get antsy.  I’m not good at sitting still as it is but this makes it very very difficult.  I am trying to look at these situations as opportunities to grow and appreciate the moment and enjoy the people I am with but sometimes I just want to scream.

For instance, last night I lost my patience and I wasn’t very kind to my BF. I haven’t decided yet what I am going to refer to him as on this blog.  I will do an entire post on him soon because he definitely deserves it.  He is the sweetest, kindest person.  I feel very lucky.  But we’ll save that for another day.

I am glad I typed this and feel like i got it off my chest:)

Have a kick ass Saturday!

Prosperity Game Day 3

I missed a few days of the Prosperity Game and couldn’t decide if I should skip ahead or continue in sequential order, I decided to go in sequential order.  Today $3,000 was deposited into my imaginary bank account.  I would purchase a ticket to Thailand.  I just did a quick search and a plane ticket to Bangkok would be about $1000 – that’s actually much cheaper than I thought it would be!  I spend the rest of the money on a beautiful resort in the jungle.  My room would be spacious and have lovely jungle and water views.  It would have a big bath tub.  The resort would offer yoga classes, meditations and a spa.  I would book an excursion to see elephants and to visit a refuge camp to volunteer.  I would meet an amazing man at the resort and we would share a few meals together.  It would be a trip that I would never forget.

Life

Good Morning!  Its Sunday morning and sunny and just a beautiful day!  I have no plans and am just going to go with the flow and see where the day takes me!  I see lots of coffee and reading in my near future.  Oh and it is National Ice Cream Day so I will be celebrating with ice cream too.  Ice cream is one of my favorite foods!

I haven’t been on any dates recently.  But there is a new member at my gym that is very cute!  He is older than me, about 15 years older…but he doesn’t look it.  I haven’t even talked to him so I am definitely just admiring from afar at this time!  New members at my gym have to go into a special intro class for the first 4 weeks to learn all the movements.  He just finished that last week so now he will be in the normal classes, hoping to run into him and see what happens.  He is a Michigan boy – they seem to be my weakness.

I was supposed to go on my second date with Nick last night but I cancelled because my friend had her baby.  Babies will always trump boys!  She invited me to the hospital to visit and I just couldn’t resist.  Holding a fresh brand new baby is such a happy thing.  She is absolutely perfect and they should be heading home today.  I texted Nick last night asking to reschedule and he hasn’t responded.  Maybe hes pissed? I’ll keep you posted on that situation!

Over the last 6 months I have gained about 8-10lbs.  I kept thinking it would fall off and my body weight would return to its previous norm, but that is not happening!  I have been counting macros on and off but know that I need to stick to it if I want to see results.  But I struggle.  I will do great for breakfast, lunch and a snack and then someone will ask if I want to meet for dinner or go grab a drink and then I throw off the entire day.  If I know I am meeting someone ahead of time I will save my fat and carbs for later and make sure my earlier meals are protein heavy so I hit that number.  I don’t want to become a hermit and skip all outings but I also want to achieve my goals.  This is my struggle!  Anyone else have this issue?  I think I need to not be so all or nothing, if I am slightly off on the numbers its still better than nothing.  I get to wrapped up in trying to do it perfectly or not bothering at all.  I am meeting a friend for dinner tonight so I will be eating mostly lean protein and veggies til tonight.  Will save most of my fat and carbs for dinner.

Well I am off to finish a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, its at least my third time reading it.  I rarely reread books but I find that I learn more and more each time I read this book and come to understand it and myself better.  Maybe I am finally becoming more conscious….

Have a great day!!!

 

 

Date #4 Is Tonight and Other Updates

Ok…remember a few weeks back when I mentioned the cute guy Nick that I met when I was out?  That was the night I got really drunk and was super embarrassed the next day.  Well I must have given him my number and he actually texted me a few days later.  I apologized for being so drunk and he said not to worry about it.  He was upset with how he acted that night too…Not exactly sure what that means though.

We texted back and forth for a week or so.  Nothing too deep because honestly I couldn’t remember much from our original convo when I was wasted…Insert eyeroll here.  I was wondering if we were just going to be texting buddies forever but then he asked me out!  We are meeting tonight for drinks, kind of odd since way too many drinks were involved last time.  I am giving myself a 3 drink maximum and then I am coming home!  We are going to a neighborhood bar that I am very comfortable in so I am relieved about that.  Originally he wanted to do dinner too but I changed it to just drinks.  Dinner seems formal, I just want casual fun conversation with a cute boy.  If it is fun we can try dinner next time.

Ok, in other news  I have gotten my drinking under control!  I feel so much better about it.  I had so much anxiety around alcohol and feel that it is gone.  I went out on Friday and Sunday last week and was in control the entire time.  I was at a Birthday dinner on Friday that lasted about 3 hours and in that time I had 3 drinks.  I never felt like I was deprived or needing more alcohol.  On Sunday I met a friend and only had 2 drinks.  I was the first to leave on both nights, I didn’t feel like I had to stay forever and keep drinking.  I woke up refreshed and not hungover and most importantly not angry with myself.  The guilt and shame feelings are the absolute worst!!

Lastly, I have started counting macros again.  I am about 8 to 10lbs heavier than my normal weight.  I played with macro counting a few months ago but quit even though I was seeing results.  I quit because I was consumed by the numbers and figuring out what I could and couldn’t make fit for the day.  I am going to take a more relaxed approach this time.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  I think if I hit the numbers 85% of the time I will see results.  When I don’t track I definitely don’t eat enough protein and I know that negatively affects my body composition.

Have a happy and safe 4th!!!

#2

Online date #2 was awful!  I met him on Tinder.  After Date #1 I was hoping for someone who didn’t drink as much.  I thought it would be fun to get to know someone without alcohol.  This guy wrote in his profile that he rarely drinks.  He also said he was an engineer and a father of a 5 year old son.  I am okay with dating someone with a child.  I am 33 and am looking for someone in the 30s age range, I understand at this stage a lot of people have kids.  He told me that he likes to play pool, so he seemed like he was still social even though he doesn’t drink.  That was important to me.

We decided to meet for dinner.  When I pulled up he was sitting outside waiting for me on the bench.  He looked like a little kid waiting for the bus. I felt bad for immediately judging but he was very short and had a very small build.  I’m pretty sure I could lift more than him.  We went in to the restaurant.  Typically I would order a glass of wine but since he doesn’t really drink I just got  a water.  He ordered his meal when the waitress came to get our drink order.  It was odd, I barely had a chance to look.  But luckily this sped up the night!  After we ordered we started talking.  Or should I say he started talking.  And talking.  And talked some more.

I asked him about his son and he was happy to talk about him for 15 minutes, which is great!  I love to see dads that are involved and love their kids.  After that we talked about his job, which he hates.  Then he proceeded to tell me about his ex and how life has beat him down. WHOA DUDE!!  No one wants to listen to your sob story on the first date.  I asked him if he was looking for a new job or what he was doing about his life.  And he said nothing.

At that point I realized two major things. 1.  If someone complains about a problem but isn’t willing to do anything about it I have a hard time being compassionate. 2.  This was exactly what I was doing in my life with drinking and my diet.  I realized I need to be completely responsible for my actions!

So even though the date was a bust I did learn something.  And for the record he never asked me a single question the entire night.

#3

Tinder date number 3 was the best so far.  This was the guy I originally blew off.  Then we rescheduled and he blew me off.  He texted me about an hour before we were supposed to meet to say his dog was sick.  I thought it was a pretty lame excuse but I did the same thing to him first so couldn’t be too mad!  When he reached out for us to try a third time I decided to go for it.

We met at a casual but nice restaurant.  We sat outside.  He ordered us an appetizer.  He took the initiative and just did it.  I appreciate that.  That is manly in my opinion.  We each had two drinks during dinner.  We were there for about two hours but it didn’t seem that long.  I was comfortable even though the conversation lagged at times.  He grew up close to me. He didn’t graduate high school but got his GED and started college at 16.  He works with boats and sounds successful.  He doesn’t believe in debt.  Being a Dave Ramsey fan this was music to my ears.  Also, we ordered carrot cake to share at the end. This restaurant is known for their amazing carrot cake so I was very excited when he suggested it.  He paid for dinner, I offered to split it but he said no way.  I offered to be polite but was happy that he didn’t take it.

Our date was last Thursday night.  He texted me on Friday asking if we could hang on Sunday and I told him that I had plans but suggested Tuesday.  He said ok cool.  Its now Tuesday at 5:54pm and I haven’t heard from him.  Was I supposed to reach out?!  I want someone that makes an effort.  I don’t want to chase him around.  I’ve done that before and don’t want to anymore!

Fear

I did it again.  Blacked out from alcohol.  How many times have I promised myself that I would never do that again?  I am so disappointed in myself.  I am making bad decisions and eventually something really bad will happen to me.  I may get a DUI, or end up going home with someone I don’t know or who knows what?!  I am not a college kid.  I am a mature adult and I am responsible in all other areas of my life.

And the worst part is I met a cute guy Nick on Saturday and he probably thinks I am a complete idiot!  I don’t even know if I gave him my number, I”m assuming he didn’t want it after my sloppy appearance.   Ugh.  The shame I am feeling is intense.  I have been wanting to meet someone naturally without using dating apps and blew this chance.

Do I completely stop drinking?  Do I allow myself a two drink limit?  1 drink an hour?  These are all things that I have thought of in the past but never stick to them because I think I have it under control.  But I obviously don’t.

I am meeting friends on Friday night for dinner and of course DRINKS.  Do I sip water?  Do I give myself limits?  I wish I could moderate like everyone else can.  I don’t know why that is so difficult for me.

This week I am going to meditate and pray.  I am in therapy and she said I need to learn to feel things and be more aware.  So that is what I am going to try to do!  I came across a quote today that definitely spoke to me – “Your life is a result of your choices.  If you don’t like your life, it’s time to make some better choices.”  I put the quote as the screen saver on my phone so I will see it often and remember to make better choices!