A lot has changed since I last posted.
This isn’t new – but its new for the blog. In September 2018 I got a DUI. I was embarrassed to even type it here even though I am the only one that reads this. Now that more time has passed I am okay admitting it. The whole event was terrifying and I take full responsibility for making a very very bad judgement call. I am so grateful that I didn’t hurt anyone. I would have never ever been able to forgive myself.
Part of my punishment is probation which means no alcohol. This has been tough and eye opening. I have figured out a few ways around it and have drank a few times but not a lot. I have found some social situations to be extremely hard to be in and others are okay. I think it depends on my mindset going into the situation. I also like knowing I can always leave whenever I want too. If I feel stuck or trapped and everyone is drinking I have a much harder time.
I started dating someone new in January and its great. He drinks often, pretty much daily and when we are at home that doesn’t really get to me. However, we spend a lot of time with his parents and they are so nice and kind and welcoming and they drink too. They know about the DUI and they don’t seem to judge me for it. But sometimes when the four of us are together and everyone is drinking but me it gets tough. We will have dinner and I am fine and then the night lingers on for several more hours and that is when I get antsy. I’m not good at sitting still as it is but this makes it very very difficult. I am trying to look at these situations as opportunities to grow and appreciate the moment and enjoy the people I am with but sometimes I just want to scream.
For instance, last night I lost my patience and I wasn’t very kind to my BF. I haven’t decided yet what I am going to refer to him as on this blog. I will do an entire post on him soon because he definitely deserves it. He is the sweetest, kindest person. I feel very lucky. But we’ll save that for another day.
I am glad I typed this and feel like i got it off my chest:)
Have a kick ass Saturday!