Prosperity Game Day 4

Today I get another deposit into my imaginary bank account of $4,000!  I have been thinking all day today about how I would spend this.  The trip to Thailand that I purchased with my $3,000 deposit made me really happy.  I thought about it and got into a really good feeling vibration – that is the point of the game!  To make yourself feel really really good and to know what it is you really want.  I have always thought that I am more of an experience person than a stuff person.  I would much rather go on a trip or get a massage or spend money on someone else than buy items.  When I was younger my Dad would tidy up the house and he would always throw things out and it would make me so mad but now I get it!  I get a high from donating items or discarding things that are no longer useful.

It just hit me!!  I would use the $4,000 to purchase plane tickets to NYC for December 15th.  I would buy tickets for my Dad and my brother.  NYC at Christmas time is absolutely amazing!!  When I was younger I would go with my Dad for a day into the city and it was magical.  We would go see the tree at Rockefeller Center.  I was always amazed by how big it is!  We would go see the Rockettets in the Christmas Spectacular on Broadway.  One year we went into Trump Towers to look at the shops and we actually saw Donald Trump!  This was probably in 1996 – before The Apprentice and way before he ran for office.  I actually got his autograph on a crumpled up Dunkin Donuts napkin – wish I still had it!  My brother was too young to experience any of this so I would love to be able to take him too.  I would rent a cute Air BNB in Soho with beautiful brick walls inside.  It would be a lot of fun and a great bonding experience for my family!

Prosperity Game Day 3

I missed a few days of the Prosperity Game and couldn’t decide if I should skip ahead or continue in sequential order, I decided to go in sequential order.  Today $3,000 was deposited into my imaginary bank account.  I would purchase a ticket to Thailand.  I just did a quick search and a plane ticket to Bangkok would be about $1000 – that’s actually much cheaper than I thought it would be!  I spend the rest of the money on a beautiful resort in the jungle.  My room would be spacious and have lovely jungle and water views.  It would have a big bath tub.  The resort would offer yoga classes, meditations and a spa.  I would book an excursion to see elephants and to visit a refuge camp to volunteer.  I would meet an amazing man at the resort and we would share a few meals together.  It would be a trip that I would never forget.

Made it 9 Days

Well I made it 9 days without drinking and then drank.  It wasn’t even fun.  I’m not sure why I did it.  I wasn’t craving it.  I thought it would be a nice treat on a Saturday night.  Drink wine, watch Netflix, eat chocolate and just be comfy.  But it didn’t really work out that way.  I had one glass and felt kind of queasy.  Maybe that should have been my sign to stop drinking but I didn’t.  I ended up drinking about 3 glasses of wine.  I felt fuzzy and not in complete control and I didn’t like it.  In the last few weeks I have come to enjoy the feeling of being in control.  I don’t regret it or feel guilty.  I was in my own home and safe and not drunk in public making a fool of myself.  I didn’t wake up with a hangover or a huge bar receipt.

But I did learn something, the idea of wine to relax is just an idea.  I think I would have been more relaxed last night had I not drank.

So today is Day 1 again…however there is no hangover, shame, regret, guilt or embarrassment.  I am going to view last night as a learning experience.

Day 5

Just realized the post I wrote yesterday is titled Day 3 – it was actually Day 4…I am more into this than I thought!!

Today was an easy day.  I had no cravings or desire to drink.  I went to the gym and felt great in the workout, typically monday workouts are rough from binging over the weekend.  It felt good to sail through the workout and not feel like dying!  Or making promises to my body that I wouldn’t over do it ever again if I could just get through the workout.

Ive been counting macros on and off for a few months.  I have started tracking again.  I am on day 3 and am doing well.  I always screwed up before because I would factor in 1-2 drinks for the day but would never stick to that!  I would always drink more than I intended too.  I think tracking will give me something else to focus on right now.

I am trying to fill my life with more happy, fun things so I don’t feel deprived or bored.  I think I drank a lot when I was bored or lonely.  Boredom I can combat but loneliness is something that I am going to have to learn to deal with.  I’m not very good with feelings!  I was in a 10 year relationship where feelings were thought of as a weakness, so I spent a lot of time hiding my feelings and trying to stuff them down or use alcohol to not feel anything.  Looking back that should have been a sign the relationship wasn’t healthy but I was naive.  And in love.  Love makes you deal with weird shit.

I hope I have more easy days like today!  I’m going to meditate and then finish reading Big Magic by Elizabeth GIlbert. Peace!