Well I just reread some of my earlier posts and so many are Day 1s of not drinking. You know the first day when you are hungover and full of shame. And then it stops. There aren’t many Day 2, 3 or 4 posts. With time the hangover goes away and the guilt subsides, that’s when I forget how bad it is for me! Then I find myself drinking again and then end up exactly where I don’t want to be. Its a horrible cycle and the fact that I can’t beat it makes me feel like a failure. Well today is Day 4 of no drinking. I have made it a bit farther this time. And its Sunday so I made it through the weekend! Well kinda…Its 4:45 and I just finished meal prepping and laundry and all that stuff. Just sat down to read and relax. This is when I would normally open a bottle of wine. If I had one I would have opened it. But I will not go to the store to buy something that is so toxic for me.
I went to dinner on Friday night with a friend and she had one glass of wine, I had water. I overate at dinner and stopped on the way home and bought a container of ice cream. I don’t want to substitute food for alcohol. I want to find out why I have this compulsion to over do it. So that is what I am going to try to figure out!