Date #2

Hi!  Happy Saturday!!  I just got home from the gym.  Ugh not one of my best workouts, felt like my body was in slow motion but at least its done!

Tonight I am finally going on a second date with Nick.  We were supposed to go out last Saturday night but my friend had a baby and  I will always pick babies over boys.  We are going out for Sushi.  I am a little nervous but excited.  How many dates does it take to feel something?  Am I not giving it a chance?  Do I expect to feel stuff too soon?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Last night I met up with two friends from high school that are now married and have two kids.  They seem to have  a really good relationship.  I am happy for them and its something that I would like to have one day.  Not sure about the kids but the relationship part:)

My brother got engaged this week.  He is ten years younger than me and everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay…Like I am the old single sister.  Maybe I am reading too much into it.  I am very happy for them.  They have been together about 6 years.  She was actually one of my best friends first.  I think they will be very happy together!

I’ll report back after Date #2!  I’m excited !

Life

Good Morning!  Its Sunday morning and sunny and just a beautiful day!  I have no plans and am just going to go with the flow and see where the day takes me!  I see lots of coffee and reading in my near future.  Oh and it is National Ice Cream Day so I will be celebrating with ice cream too.  Ice cream is one of my favorite foods!

I haven’t been on any dates recently.  But there is a new member at my gym that is very cute!  He is older than me, about 15 years older…but he doesn’t look it.  I haven’t even talked to him so I am definitely just admiring from afar at this time!  New members at my gym have to go into a special intro class for the first 4 weeks to learn all the movements.  He just finished that last week so now he will be in the normal classes, hoping to run into him and see what happens.  He is a Michigan boy – they seem to be my weakness.

I was supposed to go on my second date with Nick last night but I cancelled because my friend had her baby.  Babies will always trump boys!  She invited me to the hospital to visit and I just couldn’t resist.  Holding a fresh brand new baby is such a happy thing.  She is absolutely perfect and they should be heading home today.  I texted Nick last night asking to reschedule and he hasn’t responded.  Maybe hes pissed? I’ll keep you posted on that situation!

Over the last 6 months I have gained about 8-10lbs.  I kept thinking it would fall off and my body weight would return to its previous norm, but that is not happening!  I have been counting macros on and off but know that I need to stick to it if I want to see results.  But I struggle.  I will do great for breakfast, lunch and a snack and then someone will ask if I want to meet for dinner or go grab a drink and then I throw off the entire day.  If I know I am meeting someone ahead of time I will save my fat and carbs for later and make sure my earlier meals are protein heavy so I hit that number.  I don’t want to become a hermit and skip all outings but I also want to achieve my goals.  This is my struggle!  Anyone else have this issue?  I think I need to not be so all or nothing, if I am slightly off on the numbers its still better than nothing.  I get to wrapped up in trying to do it perfectly or not bothering at all.  I am meeting a friend for dinner tonight so I will be eating mostly lean protein and veggies til tonight.  Will save most of my fat and carbs for dinner.

Well I am off to finish a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, its at least my third time reading it.  I rarely reread books but I find that I learn more and more each time I read this book and come to understand it and myself better.  Maybe I am finally becoming more conscious….

Have a great day!!!

 

 

Date #4 Recap

Well first date #4 is in the books!  I was expecting it to go better.  It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t amazing.  I think I had higher hopes for this first date because I met him in person and felt a connection.  It wasn’t a complete cold internet set up date. Nick and I met at a local bar and had a few drinks.  We were planning to meet at 730. He texted me at 715ish and said he was going to be a bit early, which I love because I can’t stand when people are late.  Once he sat down he texted me where he was sitting which I thought was sweet.  I hate walking into a place looking for someone and feeling goofy.  The conversation flowed pretty well but its hard to tell.  I didn’t feel an immediate spark or connection, like I had the first time i met him.  But I’ve felt the spark before with exes and obviously those relationships have ended so maybe I shouldn’t rely on that feeling?!

Speaking of exes, I spoke with mine on Thursday and all the sparks and weird feelings were there.  WHY?!?!?!  I want them gone!!  We put each other through hell and there should be nothing left!  We have been apart for about a year.  We haven’t spoken in a few months.  Speaking to him is BAD!  It makes me think all the What Ifs but that isn’t going to get me anywhere!

Anyway back to Nick.  At the end of the night we did this awkward hug in the parking lot.  I texted him once I got home saying that I had fun and he responded that he did too and that he would like to hang out again sometime.  That was 5 days ago.  Since then we have texted but he hasn’t asked me out again.  Am I supposed to ask him? How does this work? I am so clueless!

Date #4 Is Tonight and Other Updates

Ok…remember a few weeks back when I mentioned the cute guy Nick that I met when I was out?  That was the night I got really drunk and was super embarrassed the next day.  Well I must have given him my number and he actually texted me a few days later.  I apologized for being so drunk and he said not to worry about it.  He was upset with how he acted that night too…Not exactly sure what that means though.

We texted back and forth for a week or so.  Nothing too deep because honestly I couldn’t remember much from our original convo when I was wasted…Insert eyeroll here.  I was wondering if we were just going to be texting buddies forever but then he asked me out!  We are meeting tonight for drinks, kind of odd since way too many drinks were involved last time.  I am giving myself a 3 drink maximum and then I am coming home!  We are going to a neighborhood bar that I am very comfortable in so I am relieved about that.  Originally he wanted to do dinner too but I changed it to just drinks.  Dinner seems formal, I just want casual fun conversation with a cute boy.  If it is fun we can try dinner next time.

Ok, in other news  I have gotten my drinking under control!  I feel so much better about it.  I had so much anxiety around alcohol and feel that it is gone.  I went out on Friday and Sunday last week and was in control the entire time.  I was at a Birthday dinner on Friday that lasted about 3 hours and in that time I had 3 drinks.  I never felt like I was deprived or needing more alcohol.  On Sunday I met a friend and only had 2 drinks.  I was the first to leave on both nights, I didn’t feel like I had to stay forever and keep drinking.  I woke up refreshed and not hungover and most importantly not angry with myself.  The guilt and shame feelings are the absolute worst!!

Lastly, I have started counting macros again.  I am about 8 to 10lbs heavier than my normal weight.  I played with macro counting a few months ago but quit even though I was seeing results.  I quit because I was consumed by the numbers and figuring out what I could and couldn’t make fit for the day.  I am going to take a more relaxed approach this time.  It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  I think if I hit the numbers 85% of the time I will see results.  When I don’t track I definitely don’t eat enough protein and I know that negatively affects my body composition.

Have a happy and safe 4th!!!